


Doting Man

by Fictropes



Series: 25 fics advent [11]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27940499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: They’re both drunk, Phil more so— definitely more so.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: 25 fics advent [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022262
Comments: 31
Kudos: 85





	Doting Man

**Author's Note:**

> my evil frenemy sierra told me I had to write a fic based on some lyrics or she would beat me up in a mcdonalds car park :(
> 
> [lyrics: It's a common fetish for a doting man To ballerina on the coffee table cock in hand ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxL_xRM0Wug&ab_channel=ClaphamJunction)
> 
> (yes those are song lyrics sorry 4 this)

They’re both drunk, Phil more so— _definitely_ more so.

Dan had left him alone for two minutes whilst he went for a piss, warned him to behave because he looked in the mood to do _something._ This was not the something Dan had in mind— no one on earth would have this in mind. 

He’s stood on their coffee table, which sort of makes sense because he'd spent five minutes of the journey home whining about how Dan was taller than him— _wasn’t fair._

So, yeah, the coffee table is alright— dick is not.

“Why— Phil, your penis, why’s it out?”

“Fell out.”

“It fell out.”

“Mhm, yeah.” Phil agrees, even though Dan hadn’t given him anything to agree to—he’d just wanted clarification. “Flopped.” 

“Ok.” Dan murmurs, because he doesn’t know what else to do with what’s he’s watching. “Whatcha doing up there, got your shoes on still.”

“Wanted to be tall.” Phil answers, and it’s what Dan had thought but it still doesn’t explain his dick hanging free. 

“You’re already tall.” Dan points out, then he’s crossing the room so he can try and coax Phil down before he hurts himself. “C’mon, bed time.” 

“You’re already tall.” Phil repeats, ignores Dan’s outstretched hand in favour of touching the ceiling. “Bet you can’t do that.”

“Bet I can’t.” Dan laughs, thinks maybe the best way to go about this is to be super agreeable— just give Phil what he wants to hear. “Bet you can break your neck if you fall, though.”

  
  
“No fun.” Phil pouts, and Dan thinks he’s won for a second when Phil gives him his hand. “Watch this.” Then he’s snatching it back, leaving Dan hanging. 

Dan watches, thinks he might actually be very sober— most sober man on earth compared to his husband. “Phil—“

It falls on deaf ears. Phil is gone, doing some sort of fucking ballet routine atop of the wood. Dan doesn’t know if he’s spinning for fun, because he wants to show off—might be trying to test out his theory that if you spin really really fast you’ll go back in time.

Dan’s just overwhelmed, honestly. Phil’s spinning—wobbly—his dick but a blur.

“You’re gonna slap me in the face with that in a sec.”

“Ok, let’s pretend we haven’t done that before.” Phil giggles, but he grabs ahold of it anyway, now he’s a prima-ballerina holding his penis—a sight Dan never thought he’d see. “Feel sick.”

“No fucking wonder.” Dan snorts, puts a stop to it by just being grabby—handsy until Phil gives in. “You’re not throwing up, not tonight.” 

Phil slumps forwards, and it’s honestly a miracle Dan manages to catch him. He’s a warm weight against his chest, a solid reminder that they trust each other with everything— even whatever _this_ is.

“I was gonna try and piss in the empty plant pot.” Phil admits. 

“You wot?” Dan asks. 

“Thought I could reach, but you came in too early.” 

And that—it’s an odd sense of relief. Phil isn’t suddenly invested in flashing the neighbours through their too big windows, he’s just being a feral little weirdo. “You were gonna piss in our front room?”

  
  
“We’re throwing the pot away tomorrow! Wanted to test my aim.” Phil whines, clings on tighter to Dan— not that Dan is going anyway, always right where Phil wants him to be. “Got a hole in it.”  


“And—Phil!” He tugs him forward, forces Phil to cling like a koala of fall to the floor. “Alright this is your punishment for trying to piss in a pot with a fucking hole in it.”

It takes Phil a second, and then, “oh, would’ve gone onto the floor… cos of the hole.”

“Exactly.” 

“You like piss, I remember.” 

“Not the point.”

“Grumpy.” 

“No more dick out on the table for you.” Dan drops him— nicely, lightly—onto the sofa. “Put it away.”

“But it likes you.” Phil smiles, gives it a little pat—apparently enough to give him a semi. “See. Getting excited to see you.” 

“Oh—for fuck sake.” Dan doesn’t even try to pretend he’s not interested, just drops to his knees.

-

“You took—oh my god it’s a video.” Phil’s hid his face, watching Dan’s phone screen through his fingers. “I was spinning so good, could’ve been a ballerina.” 

“I honestly thought you were trying to take off, jet off into fucking space with the power of dick energy.” 

“Next AmazingPhil video.” 

**Author's Note:**

> [if u eerm... wanna reblog on tumblr](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/636876581431902208/doting-man-theyre-both-drunk-phil-more-so)
> 
> ANYWAY.....e rm lemme know what you think? also the song is fun if you wanna listen (linked at the start :).)


End file.
